New Beginnings

As an ex-writer, I think it prudent to first establish that I'm not quite sure for whom I intend this blog. If I still felt confident in my ability to wax poetic and show without telling, I'd weave something fanciful and you would just know who you are. But alas. These are my first trepid steps out of the Dark Ages and I need some slack.  My exposition skills are rusty so I'll be blunt:  

This is probably a blog for my future self.  I like the concept of being able to go through a chronological history of the way I think because, frankly, I have a horrible memory.  This seems to be a reasonable insurance policy against my mutinous neural synapses.  At the very least, its better than my current and cringey archaeological dig site: On This Day and Messenger threads on Facebook. Those age less like a fine wine and more like a banana. I've got to deactivate my Facebook account. It's the worst. 

The only other audience I could imagine ever wanting to read this tripe is my loved ones: searching for healing reminders of my half-baked wit once I've died.  So to you, Elizabeth, family, friends, Romans, countrymen, I'm sorry.  You'll have to sift through a lot of hay to find any needles that will help you understand this prick (get it?).  

Maybe I still do, but I used to vehemently oppose blogs and blogging in general.  It's always seemed to me like a lazy form of self-aggrandizement and a medium that normalizes pseudo-intellectualism. But in all honesty, I feel like a pseudo-intellectual right now, myself.  In between an undergraduate degree that gave me no hard skills, working a job that requires none, and waiting to gain more soft skills in grad school so I can maybe get a real job... it all feels like intellectual purgatory.  Also, I'm not going to be sharing this with anyone, so I can't be called a self-aggrandizor so HA: vanity justified.    

In summation, this is really going to be stream-of-consciousness.  Don't expect any sort of cohesive format or scheduled regularity. It's going to be organic, sporadic, and developmental. The more I think of it, then, the true audience of this blog will not be future me, grieving loved ones, or my cabal of proselytizers once I achieve world domination; it's really an attempt at getting my inner voice back. I feel like the greatest irony in the way I treated my lower education years (2012-2016) is that I hardly wrote at all.  I did research and I analyzed political theory, but I didn't truly write about my worldview.  Maybe what I'm looking for is catharsis, but not in the Aristotelian sense.  I just need a place to meditate my ideas, which is why I have titled this blog Meditations.  Not because I would ever liken myself to Marcus Aurelius (maybe I can, though, since he mostly just repeated common stoic thought of his age), but to use the name as a benchmark for what I hope to discover in myself. Maybe this will be a philosophy blog. I don't know.  I really like what Luc Ferry says about the nature of philosophy: that it is a way humans can reconcile living well with the impermanence of it all, without creating religions that intend to erase the fear of said impermanence.  Thus, this blog will be my weapon against the impermanence of my mortal coils.  I will fortify and galvanize my thoughts on the almighty servers of the Google cloud.  So to you, dear reader, until the Great Robot Wars of 2048 that eliminate all electronic record of human existence, I say: thanks for writing.